~HOW I BECAME A STRONG GIRL~
Childhood could be the best phase in life for almost everyone. When you see people talk about their childhood memories, you can see the joy lighting up in their eyes. Childhood experience can be said as a beautiful and memorable part of one's life. So, for those who had such a beautiful childhood journey, you are gifted. How I wish I had a beautiful childhood with wonderful memories too.
Life was not easy for me when I was a kid. I was born in a broken family. My parents never got along. I saw violence and abuses in all form even when I was less than 8 years old. I did not knew what love is as I always saw my parents arguing. Being a little child, I thought marriage was a complete bullshit where you will be always fighting with your partner. While most of the kids eagerly wait for their school session to end, I secretly prayed my classes will end later so that I would not have to go back home early. Going home terrified me every day. I felt sorry for my mother who always got abused my monstrous father. I loved both my parents dearly. But, I hated the fact that he abused my mom emotionally,sexually and physically. While every 8 year old kid plays around with her toys, I planned to run away from my house as I could not stand the hell my family was going through.
After so much of obstacles, my parents finally decided to part their ways. My parents got separated after 8 years of pain and sufferings. As my sister and I were still very young, the custody automatically went to my mother. We left to my grandmother's house. I was reaching 9 years old and my sister was still a toddler who never had an idea on what is going on between her parents. So many changes had to be done. I had to shift school. We had to stuff in my grandmother's house for few months before leaving to my uncle's house. We stayed in my uncle's house because my father was disturbing us every day and night. My mom was unable to move on with her life as he kept torturing her to come back to him. Finally, after almost 6 months, we went to my uncle house in a different state, far far away from my dad and start a new life. I started my Primary 3 in a new school together with my cousins. I thought that was the end of the sad days and I can start living my life as a happy kid. But, I was wrong. We planned, God decide, Things will never be the same when you are just taking shelter in a relative house. They were nice people. But, nobody would like outsiders to be in their homes for long time. My family living there invaded the privacy of my relative and few more other problems arises. I almost gave up in life. I was never allowed to interfere in any of the problems my family was going through. One year passed, and we got the chance to move back to my grandmother's place. I started my Primary Year 4 there in a school in the town. A new life begins. But, the struggles I had to go through was speechless. I was away from my mother in the age of 10 years old. My mom worked in a different city while we stayed in my grandmother's house. We only saw my mom once a week. Sometimes, if my mom never got an off day from work, we only met her few weeks once. Even though at that time I was already 10 years old, I cried whenever my mom came to see us and had to leave the next day. I longed to stay with my mom in the same house, to own a bedroom for myself. I had all the little dreams every kid will have at that age. However, my dreams were just dreams. In the age of 10, I learned that you won't be able to get everything you want in life. Some things can only be wished for but it will be beyond our capability to get it.
I felt sorry for my mother. She had to work hard for me and my sister as she was the sole bread winner for us. My grandmother was old, therefore she could not work. But she still helps us out financially. Whenever we need extra pennies to school, she will help us with that without asking my mother. My grandmother was a single mother too. My grandfather passed away in an accident more than 10 years ago. In the age of 12, I understood that a woman can handle life all by herself without the help from a man. A woman is not weak. Life went on as usual. I wanted to study hard and be rich in life because I want to provide a luxurious life for my family.
Not to brag about me, I have been a good student since my primary school days. I loved studying and I always wanted to be the best in everything I did, and yes, I was the best student in school. When I was in Secondary Form 5, I was the Head Prefect for the school. I even lead most of the clubs in my school. I was an excel student. I had big dreams and ambitions. When I was 17 years old, I knew that every human in the world regardless of the gender, must have goals in life. Life is no point living without goals. I completed my school gloriously. I passed with flying colors in my SPM examination and was awarded as the Best Student of the year. I made my mother proud by being the best student in school, who was recognized and loved by my teachers. The more success I made, the more ambitious I became.
After my school, I continued my studies in a college. I left home to a different state to pursue my higher studies. I went with a luggage of clothes and also dreams. I wanted to study well, graduate and make good money. Being someone who is passionate about English Language, I took up the English Teaching Diploma. Life was going good. But, who knew the thunder storm that awaited me. An incident that happened back in 2012, crushed all my happiness, dreams and ambitions. Just a single day tragedy which twist and turn my entire life. The world appeared dark to me. I did not knew what to do to restart things. I was blurred. I got depressed. I started to become financially unstable. I started to find a way to get things sorted out. I was jobless for months. I did not have an objective to live my life after that. It became almost a year, and my life remained stagnant. No improvement. I became even more depressed that I cried myself to sleep at night. I skipped meals and slept all day. I avoid people. And there, in the age of 21, I realized that life has all it's ups and downs. We cannot expect life to always be a bed of roses. We have to remember that roses have thorns too.
I was away from my family. My own people abandoned me. I was seen as a burden. I felt weak and stupid. My education was hanging upside down. I found a good job and settled. However, this did not last as well. Another obstacle came and I lose my job. A person who has been broken got crushed this time. That time, I became completely hopeless of my life. I did not know what to do and I decided to not do anything. I survived with the little pennies I had. I never had the chance to buy the things I loved and the clothes I liked.Even a RM40 dress appeared as a an expensive material to me. I put on weight, a lot. I was getting many acne and scars due to the extreme stress level. I was getting fatter and fatter. From a well-groomed young girl, I turned to look like a homeless-beggar. I stopped seeing people. I cut off my friends. Low self-esteem took over me. I stayed in my dark room most of the time. I spoke to nobody except my boyfriend. This was how I was last year ago.
But, today. Here, now, at the current moment. I am happy. I am extremely happy. I am doing my Bachelor in Communication. I work in a Customer Care Centre. I have my own money and I pay my own bills. I got back the old confidence I had. Importantly, I got back my true self. This is me. A happy, cheerful and joyful girl with ambitions and goals. A girl who has been broken almost all her life but currently working on being happy for the rest of the life span I have. The reason of this post is to cheer up other people out there who are depressed, just like I was long time ago. You are not alone. I have been there and I know how it feels. Life is not easy, but it is possible. You can make wonders if you are willing to do so. Just do not give up. Sometimes, life hit you hard. But, you gotta hit back harder. That was how I got up. I was my own supporter and still am I.
If I had given up that day, a year ago, I am not who I am today. I am already gaining back myself. Currently working on losing back my excess weight. I study hard, work hard. I love what I am doing. I love everything and everyone around me now. Remember that life is not about the problems. But, it is all about how you are fighting back. Happy Weekend! :)
Life was not easy for me when I was a kid. I was born in a broken family. My parents never got along. I saw violence and abuses in all form even when I was less than 8 years old. I did not knew what love is as I always saw my parents arguing. Being a little child, I thought marriage was a complete bullshit where you will be always fighting with your partner. While most of the kids eagerly wait for their school session to end, I secretly prayed my classes will end later so that I would not have to go back home early. Going home terrified me every day. I felt sorry for my mother who always got abused my monstrous father. I loved both my parents dearly. But, I hated the fact that he abused my mom emotionally,sexually and physically. While every 8 year old kid plays around with her toys, I planned to run away from my house as I could not stand the hell my family was going through.
After so much of obstacles, my parents finally decided to part their ways. My parents got separated after 8 years of pain and sufferings. As my sister and I were still very young, the custody automatically went to my mother. We left to my grandmother's house. I was reaching 9 years old and my sister was still a toddler who never had an idea on what is going on between her parents. So many changes had to be done. I had to shift school. We had to stuff in my grandmother's house for few months before leaving to my uncle's house. We stayed in my uncle's house because my father was disturbing us every day and night. My mom was unable to move on with her life as he kept torturing her to come back to him. Finally, after almost 6 months, we went to my uncle house in a different state, far far away from my dad and start a new life. I started my Primary 3 in a new school together with my cousins. I thought that was the end of the sad days and I can start living my life as a happy kid. But, I was wrong. We planned, God decide, Things will never be the same when you are just taking shelter in a relative house. They were nice people. But, nobody would like outsiders to be in their homes for long time. My family living there invaded the privacy of my relative and few more other problems arises. I almost gave up in life. I was never allowed to interfere in any of the problems my family was going through. One year passed, and we got the chance to move back to my grandmother's place. I started my Primary Year 4 there in a school in the town. A new life begins. But, the struggles I had to go through was speechless. I was away from my mother in the age of 10 years old. My mom worked in a different city while we stayed in my grandmother's house. We only saw my mom once a week. Sometimes, if my mom never got an off day from work, we only met her few weeks once. Even though at that time I was already 10 years old, I cried whenever my mom came to see us and had to leave the next day. I longed to stay with my mom in the same house, to own a bedroom for myself. I had all the little dreams every kid will have at that age. However, my dreams were just dreams. In the age of 10, I learned that you won't be able to get everything you want in life. Some things can only be wished for but it will be beyond our capability to get it.
I felt sorry for my mother. She had to work hard for me and my sister as she was the sole bread winner for us. My grandmother was old, therefore she could not work. But she still helps us out financially. Whenever we need extra pennies to school, she will help us with that without asking my mother. My grandmother was a single mother too. My grandfather passed away in an accident more than 10 years ago. In the age of 12, I understood that a woman can handle life all by herself without the help from a man. A woman is not weak. Life went on as usual. I wanted to study hard and be rich in life because I want to provide a luxurious life for my family.
Not to brag about me, I have been a good student since my primary school days. I loved studying and I always wanted to be the best in everything I did, and yes, I was the best student in school. When I was in Secondary Form 5, I was the Head Prefect for the school. I even lead most of the clubs in my school. I was an excel student. I had big dreams and ambitions. When I was 17 years old, I knew that every human in the world regardless of the gender, must have goals in life. Life is no point living without goals. I completed my school gloriously. I passed with flying colors in my SPM examination and was awarded as the Best Student of the year. I made my mother proud by being the best student in school, who was recognized and loved by my teachers. The more success I made, the more ambitious I became.
I was away from my family. My own people abandoned me. I was seen as a burden. I felt weak and stupid. My education was hanging upside down. I found a good job and settled. However, this did not last as well. Another obstacle came and I lose my job. A person who has been broken got crushed this time. That time, I became completely hopeless of my life. I did not know what to do and I decided to not do anything. I survived with the little pennies I had. I never had the chance to buy the things I loved and the clothes I liked.Even a RM40 dress appeared as a an expensive material to me. I put on weight, a lot. I was getting many acne and scars due to the extreme stress level. I was getting fatter and fatter. From a well-groomed young girl, I turned to look like a homeless-beggar. I stopped seeing people. I cut off my friends. Low self-esteem took over me. I stayed in my dark room most of the time. I spoke to nobody except my boyfriend. This was how I was last year ago.
But, today. Here, now, at the current moment. I am happy. I am extremely happy. I am doing my Bachelor in Communication. I work in a Customer Care Centre. I have my own money and I pay my own bills. I got back the old confidence I had. Importantly, I got back my true self. This is me. A happy, cheerful and joyful girl with ambitions and goals. A girl who has been broken almost all her life but currently working on being happy for the rest of the life span I have. The reason of this post is to cheer up other people out there who are depressed, just like I was long time ago. You are not alone. I have been there and I know how it feels. Life is not easy, but it is possible. You can make wonders if you are willing to do so. Just do not give up. Sometimes, life hit you hard. But, you gotta hit back harder. That was how I got up. I was my own supporter and still am I.
If I had given up that day, a year ago, I am not who I am today. I am already gaining back myself. Currently working on losing back my excess weight. I study hard, work hard. I love what I am doing. I love everything and everyone around me now. Remember that life is not about the problems. But, it is all about how you are fighting back. Happy Weekend! :)
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